The Toll of Being an Expat

When we talk about the toll of being an expat, we’re not just discussing what you leave behind physically. We’re talking about the emotional, psychological, and even spiritual costs that come with leaving one world to enter another.

First, there are the obvious ones—family, friends, and a sense of familiarity. You lose the comfort of being known, of having your routines understood, and maybe even the loss of your identity in a place where you knew who you were.

But then there are the less visible losses—the ones that creep up on you. The loss of feeling competent. As an expat, there’s often a sense of being a beginner again, of not knowing the language, customs, or even how to get through the day without feeling overwhelmed. There's a toll on your self-confidence. You may have been a leader or a rock for others, but suddenly, you find yourself in a space where you need help to do basic things.

And then, when you come back home, you face another wave of losses. You might expect to feel relieved, but what often happens is that the home you return to doesn’t feel quite like the home you left. Relationships may have shifted. The world went on without you. There’s a loss of connection, and that can leave you feeling like you don’t belong anywhere.

That’s why it’s so important to take the time to list these losses, to honor them. Some losses might feel huge, like losing a community, while others might feel smaller, like the loss of your favorite coffee shop. But all of them add up. The weight of these losses is real. And if you don’t acknowledge them, they can pile up and affect your sense of well-being in ways you might not even recognize at first.

Take a moment and allow yourself to list these losses—from moving abroad to repatriation. Don’t rush it. Some might come to mind right away, and others might only surface as you sit with the process. But remember, this isn’t about comparing your losses to anyone else’s. This is about you, your experience, and giving those losses the attention they deserve.

And finally, remember that loss isn’t the end of the story. Once we acknowledge the toll, we can begin to heal, rebuild, and move forward. But that can only happen when we’re brave enough to face it head-on, to say, "This hurt. This was hard. And I’m still standing."

Resilience is born from facing that toll, owning it, and finding a way to carry it forward without letting it weigh us down. That’s the work of being an expat, of coming home, and of living authentically through all the changes life throws at us.