What Kayaking Teaches Us About Resilience
In the video above, we watch Øystein Pilskog, a Norwegian sea kayak guide, skillfully navigate large, unpredictable waves. He makes it look effortless, but his ability to stay in control comes down to three key things: reliable gear, years of experience, and refined skills.
Resilience works much the same way. When we have the right resources, build experience, and develop strong coping strategies, we can face life’s challenges head-on and come out stronger. It’s all about being prepared and staying steady—even when the waters get rough.
“You can’t control the waves, but you can adjust your paddle. Resilience is learning to navigate, not eliminate, life’s obstacles.”
What Happens After a Life Disruption?
Just like a kayaker must adjust to shifting tides and unexpected waves, people must adapt after a major life disruption. Psychologists Romeo Vitelli and Glenn Richardson describe this process as reintegration—how we put ourselves back together after a difficult experience.
We all start from a state of balance—physically, mentally, and emotionally. This is what psychologists call homeostasis, our personal “comfort zone” where we’ve adapted to life’s conditions, whether good or bad. But when a major stressor—such as trauma, loss, or a sudden life change—throws us off course, we’re forced to find a way to restore our balance.
According to this model, people reintegrate in one of four ways:
1. Reintegration with Dysfunction
This occurs when someone struggles to regain balance and turns to harmful coping mechanisms, such as substance abuse, avoidance, or self-destructive behaviors. Instead of adapting, they remain stuck in imbalance, unable to move forward.
2. Reintegration with Loss
Here, a person regains stability but at a cost. They may recover from a setback, but they’ve lost confidence, resources, or emotional strength, leaving them more vulnerable to future challenges. It’s like a kayaker who makes it back to shore but has lost their paddle—still afloat but with fewer tools for the next journey.
3. Reintegration Back to Homeostasis
Some people manage to return to their previous state with no major improvements or setbacks. They “bounce back” as if nothing happened, but they haven’t gained any new skills or resilience. While this might seem like a win, it doesn’t leave them better prepared for future disruptions.
4. Reintegration with Resilience
This is the ideal outcome. A person who reintegrates with resilience doesn’t just recover—they grow. They learn new skills, develop a stronger sense of self, and build more protective factors to help them handle future challenges. They emerge more adaptable and capable than before.
The Key to Resilience: Learn to Ride the Waves
Just like a kayaker learns to handle rough waters, we can train ourselves to navigate life’s challenges with resilience. The key is preparation—having the right tools, developing our skills, and learning from every wave that comes our way. So the next time life feels overwhelming, ask yourself: Am I just trying to stay afloat, or am I learning to ride the waves?